I know that whatever is meant to happen will and nothing will be too much for me too handle as Im not in this alone. He just kept saying it was his problem. I later learned this depression likely stemmed from him not wanting to leave his son, but feeling like he was stuck in a marriage he didnt want to be in. Coming back from an affair is possible, but most often the trust is severed and cannot be recovered. She came home and during our talk she slipped and said she had slept in the same bed as him. Thank u for replying. Not fighting doesn't mean you don't care about your marriage. Living is not living unless you are truly living, being respected and happy. I didnt even have the pass codes to the credit card or the banking accounts. You need to look great now. All rights reserved. Someone please help I feel like dying inside but I dont want to loose him I am in pain cant stop crying . But now it's been only two weeks since he left and . Fortunately, relationship expert and divorce coach Brad Browning knows exactly what it takes to save a failing marriage. As hard as it can be to lose your partner, there probably is some part of you that shut down or got lost in the relationship. My husband of five years, 11years together came home from work, it had been a week since he works away from home and left me, one week before Christmas. You can get a new cat or dog, or you can even get a new boyfriend or girlfriend. He quit texting me while at work (we have lived together all this time. What happened will always be reality for us and you will n shall strong and healthy for your children and yourself. Years. I got your comment. When your children were young, you probably used to have fun and spend time with them. I asked her to leave after smashing a coffee cup and a lamp. Families dont have to be mother, father, children. I told her actions speak louder than words and ur refusing to talk but abandoning me to leave the state. We share same breathe. None of these are what God intended for marriage. I begged begged prayed prayed prayed and became closer to god than I ever had been in my life.. my wife slept in a coma state almost ever day for over a year. I am going through another divorce with my business partner, she will be leaving my office October . Maybe you want to place your studies on hold for awhile or get your family involved to temporarily help yout. The truth is if it is important to you, it should be important to him. Didnt know our kids friends girlfriends or boyfriends. Part of me wants him to come Home and tell me you made a big mistake. She ignored my calls and texts between then. It ended as I couldnt cope with casual and then I had to tell husband because I was so ill. Three months on, I am still totally in love with him. Its a love that looks right., She asked us, Did you know he has Down syndrome? I was a little shocked. No debt and no issues in life. Still, up until a week ago, she said she loved me, loves being with me and having a family etc. Im learning that even though I love him, I cant help or change him and I deserve a man that really loves me and my kids. Also how about youre the one who threw him out because after losing your whole family he tells you that he hopes you die of cancer. In march my fiancee left after a 4 year relationship after an argument. I must also add that I am an incredibly honest person and I have never been afraid to tell people exactly what I think My take, my experience, the one who cheated and left wasnt as committed I know for my own good I will have to pick up my shattered heart and live as if it never happened. My husband of 20years has just told hes leaving me that hes not in love with me anymore and has been living a lie for the past year!! What happened? Practice letting go. 1. My boyfriend of 24 yrs left me and our kids two months ago, we have two daughters that live with us one is 22yrs old and the other one is 23 yrs old and she is terminal ill who needs 24 hr care. Once you enter your information, youll be directed to a list of therapists and counselors who meet your criteria. I'm not more overwhelmed by my life than I was when I was still in my marriage. I have been in counseling, a divorce support group and working everyday to believe that I am of value. And who are the casualties in all this? "I can't please you. You will be fine in the long run but make him be financially responsible for you and your son and make sure you can get counseling to help you both. I did everything I could and I was under the impression that things were improving as the passion from her appeared to return. When I confronted him he lied and said he had just came home late assuming that I was sleeping. It seems odd to me he does this before family outings almost as if he is looking for things and this has me wondering. Always preoccupied doing something other than anything that would require real effort. I come from a family of strong people. Yes, God wants you to be happy, but not at the expense of the greater good that HE knows needs to happen. Here it is. Please help I feel like Im drowning and dont know how to protect my kids from the pain they will feel, I feel horrible for you, this is going to be a very hard time but youre going to have to focus on the kids. I sleep and eat baflt. She promised she would stop. If you would like to consult with a mental health professional, you can start finding therapists in your area by entering your city or ZIP code into the search field on this page: https://www.goodtherapy.org/find-therapist.html. Spousal Abandonment Syndrome is the opposite of the traditional divorce which typically comes after years of trying to . Hes not acted any different or said a thing. They are in love apparently and plan on living together and getting married down the road. It double complicates the matter when youre a Christian, because the Bible says, Whom God has put together, let man not separate. betrayal and lies are very tough, especially if you never get to address things, and never have real closure. You might feel like theres no one who can understand how youre hurting, but thats not true. Lost 6 kg. Hi CassieD! I left her cause she was a gold digger had 4 affairs and she was a thief . We slept in separate bedrooms and became room mates and certainly not what I had invisioned a marriage to be at the age of 51. He probably misses the way things used to be. Ok, I believe you and I want to say how sorry I am for your experiences. I dont know how youre not happy when Ive given you everything you asked for. Totally relate. This has seemed to stifle his attacks on me for being at fault for his unhappy life. I have been married just for 8 months and my husband has abandoned the house. "My wife left me alone for nearly two years while I was away for work and . And I cant get past feeling devastated, crying when Im alone after work until I go to bed. I started this relationship and had a son at age 19 years.. As for me, i dont want to be in the same time zone as my estranged wife And when the kids are both out of the house, I fully intend to leave the continent. Your partner met someone else. I instantly felt fear, anger, and guilt wash over. I hope u can sort your situation so you are not left rearing the kids by yourself. She should not know what your settlement is.she is waiting for it. My actually became a Judge in another County. But we have a 13 year old son together, and hes a wonderful boy. I have worked my butt off to be well. We have a son who is just under 2 and was born 10 weeks early. She will not put in any effort whatsoever and couldnt imagine being the same family we pretended to be all week on the weekend. He wants to be there for me, still my bes friend and has so much respect for me. Her own mother confronted her and gave her 2 days to tell me. I have had the same thing happen to me its heartbreaking I know exactly what you are going through stay strong! He wanted to book a holiday for me and my daughter( not his child bit they have become so close she shes him and loves him like s dad) and stay in the house with us pretend everything was fine and tell my daughter before we went away that we were splitting up and he would be gone when we got back,!! Have evidence that he was cheating on me with my business partner /emotional affair? Its going to cost me a fortune, but I have no choice. The feeling sorry for him part for being an emotionally broken person is really gone when you give me choices to betraying me and put my business at risk that I started four years ago. SHOW ME YOU STILL LOVE ME. I just served him with divorce papers yesterday. We spoke a lot he told me he had met someone else but it meant nothing to him apparently. I went to the closet to get my stuff and she had already thrown all my clothes in a pile by the closet door, when she folded and placed his stuff in my drawers and closet. Im going to make what might seem a peculiar suggestion, for the sake of those who cannot get over something like this. Holy cow. They are the only thing that matters now and the better the life you make for them the quicker you will heal. Sounds really immature when I look back over it now. Any certain? My gf of 5 years left me bout a week ago we lived at her dads her dad decided to move out so she says shes going to live with her mom but i cant stay there with her so im homeless but a week ago i made her mad she left and didnt talk to me until today when she came to get her clothes. She sounds like shes crazy now. 1. However while she was visiting her family her step uncle came to town, I was not there but the day he arrived she turned cold. I want to be his wife and be with him always and he just left. Below, Borrello and other marriage therapists share the most common reasons men check out of their marriage and file for divorce. I agree with this article, but the hardest one is this. Hi I am going through this as we speak. Seringes in trash can seringe wrappers in garage or in her car. Her parents were in denial as my wife was they also live 31/2 hrs away which is no excuse when I begged for their support. Im glad youre getting counselling as I think this has hurt you deeply and will need mending from your core. I am so so Hurt.. What do i do,?? If he doesnt get a rise out of me, he becomes enraged and starts drama then tries to blame it on me. Samantha is 30 years old, looks 3 years younger. So that l will never ever go back to him . He says they have not had sex but it is an emotional affair just as bad or worse! But I would rather have my wife then 10 million $. Why put everybody through all this again if you cant be bothered to truly try and put in effort. Turns out it was the best thing that ever happened to me. Practice Management Software for Therapists, Rules and Ethics of Online Therapy for Therapists, How to Send Appointment Reminders that Work, http://www.goodtherapy.org/advanced-search.html, http://www.goodtherapy.org/in-crisis.html, https://www.goodtherapy.org/advanced-search.html, https://www.goodtherapy.org/in-crisis.html. Just have to keep moving forward. One way you may seek fresh validation and appreciation might be through a new romantic partner. *the relationship feels like too much work. This was my goal what had just happened wasnt my life plan. Tried a lawyer, she sank me for thousands without ever doing a thing and I just wont take that road again. We would sit up and chat for a couple hours and then I would head home, do it all over again the next day. Dont believe it. It is a growing trend in the United States. We signed the papers last week. And I want you to know that its not impossible. It just goes to show that when people are emotional can become defensive and only understand whats written in their own way regardless of whats written, from reading some of the comments. My wife and i have been married for 4 years and together for 5. You want to be loved? She chose some other dude. the other part of me knows that he will never accept the blame or even address it so I am not kidding myself. Dont fall for it ! It is so hard I know.. but Im living proof that you can and will trust again if you allow yourself to believe. But remember it has very little to do with you and everything to do with them. Maybe tomorrow I will feel better, thats what I keep thinking & one of these times I will. Only God can fix this mess. That I am dead to him. Im not sure what exactly he was looking for, perhaps just being very emotionally transparent on an every day basis? Please u did not say anything concerning my case, am in Cameroon, and we have less of such facilities like therapist on psychological or marital issues. My youngest is 3 and my older son is 6. He says he takes all bad things & works them for the good of those who believe. I didnt understand it at all l would always tell him if you want to be with other people please jut let me know l do not wish to be a part of that. With a few self-care tips and a whole lot of. And now she wants to leave. All the sudden a the end of the 30 days, he wanted to come home and go to counseling. The ability to do what they want and when they want. You could find a counselor online, most insurances cover it. Oh gosh Im sorry for your pain. Its time to accept that forgiveness and love dont have corners or boundaries. You may recognise a similar situation But guilt still plagues me. It seems that 3 weeks before my writing her my history and my concerns for us, she had an affair. We got a house then tried for another baby. For me, it was a kind of deadness. I know how you feel. How so? I have someone that they work with that gives me info and all they do is talk about me and say Im a terrible mother and person.. Hi, I married my wife when i was 22 yo Every few weeks. we just chose our own path & wonder why 2 sinners cant make it together. But now that they reside with us again. He saw a friend of mine recently and told her that he was upset by the split and still really loved me but he wont talk. And not a psychopath. I still love her since I said I do. I rent a room now after owningy castle. My husband for 8 months blame everuthing in our marriage even though I was faithful every single deployment and training. You have to take care. Now that I have the courage and confidence to speak out about my story I want to inspire others through Mint Movement, a community for single parents, to do the same. As the spouse of a narcissist, I need to be strong and educate . I am loosing my home in a few weeks because im disabled and she was the breadwinner. Now our oldest daughter is living with her across town and trying to make sure she doesnt do herself too much harm drinking herself unconsciousness (appears wine is no longer evil) or otherwise. I hope youre doing OK. Did you ever get a reason? That really hurts. And how did you and her cope with that? I must be strong. I dont want to be with someone of that description. I do not know what to do. He simply needs to find his happiness, he just wants to be happy. We just stopped, as she put it. He sent the email are u serious?? I cannot tell you how many exs I have that say they never believed I would ever leave. my husband and I been together since August of 2011 off and on and but we got married in 2014 but at one point we were broken up for a few months before we got back together, we both were seeing other people, and I told him about it when he asked before we got back together but the people text were still on my old phone and he saw it and just decided to end us I dont understand how he can do this after we told each other that we talked to other people when we werent together, like its so messed up because hes been cheated on me almost our whole relationship idk what to do I love him and I want us to work but the fact that his mad about somethings that happened when we werent together is messed up and Im just supposed to be okay with everything hes done me none of this makes sense, Im really hurt and I dont know what to do with myself :'(. Psych Central does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. I told her no more. I am still here. Im so sorry to read this (and other) stories. Home Terms of Service Privacy Policy Sitemap Subscribe to The GoodTherapy Blog. I guess Im in the shock phase right now. Also my ex husband stole 25k. The day you never thought would come has become reality. I see its been a week since you wrote this post.. Is he moving out? I stopped for a quart of ice cream on my way home from work today, ugh. She packed all of her things and moved in with her mother after I found out. (The intensive way and extreme degree to which I process information is probably associated with this). After 24 years of marriage, and 27 years of being together, my wife told me she no longer was in love with me. If you are Christian, pray for there be justice n conviction lay upon your wife heart n soul n she will come to realization her mistake as she will not receive happiness by doing wrong to others. Weve never lost our affection and it seems to me that Im the one who is expected to do all the changing. They are apps you can install on a cell phone that is undetectable to the person, yet you will be sent reports of calls, texts etc. He needs space to find himself. He said he was unhappy for 10 years. Well the doctor she was working with was giving her Vicodin, and soma, she also was getting zanax and other pills from doctor. When I have been upset and called to to him he has been very cold and mean.telling me he hated being in a relationship with hated being a family and so on. It is amazing how they completely changed. "You're being ridiculous.". Ive been with my wife over 12 years married over 2. They sent phony legal documents to my mom, son and even my lawyer?? To make it all worse, I had no idea. me & my bf were 2gether 8 years & i found a conversation on his tablet telling a girl he loves her & all this stuff.. i was willing 2 work it out but he told me he hasnt been happy 4 the past year & hes not in love with me anymore & hes bored.. i was devastated, a total wreck.. he moved 2 PA with his family while he waits 4 the girl 2 move there in April.. we still text as friends but it gets really hard as I cant talk about his new gf.. i am far from over it but i do want 2 be his friend, possibly more if we can work it out.. after he left i started taking care of myself & all that pampering stuff.. well, i came 2 the conclusion that i dont want his a** back.. she can keep him, i hope they will be very happy.. im done.. he left him crying & pleading, left me.. i was faithful 8 years, i adored him, worshipped the ground he walked on.. i work, i just got a truck, im sweet as candy & i deserve better.. we keep texting as friends & sometimes we still flirt a bit but its not like that.. he played Me, the best thing that ever happened 2 him & im slowly getting over it.. i know im great & i deserve greatness so whatever dude.. ur loss.. By: Leslie Cane: I sometimes hear from wives who are beyond frustrated that their husband is moping around the house and putting his unhappiness on full display. Can somebody please help????? In the same boat. Why hasnt society caught up with that? I work everyday to get stronger and grateful for what I do have, but the hurt is unbearable.Why didnt he just tell me he found someone else and wanted a divorce?? You can not continue to live this way. Found out that my daughter saw mom stapling $100 bills into $1000 bricks. Be greatful for what you have not what you dont. No matter what the true cause is, it is tied to your emotions. Tell her how much you want it to work & that you can change those things. He stopped saying i love you or acted although it was painful to say. We spoke daily our entire relationship and had never even apart more than a few days. Not only might you be facing the typical pain associated with a relationship ending, the situation can feel surreal with all of the: Both parties typically see a breakup coming when a relationship goes through a sustained period of conflict or rockiness. But partner abandonment or even an abrupt end to an affair, occurs without warning real or perceived. If there is another woman hes talking to you probably want to know that sooner than later so dont be afraid to confront him on it. So it isnt like he will be able to have her for sleepovers. I was upset and he kept making fun of me and saying that he just follows the kids and that he is not waiting until the princess is happy. She always eyeballed a house that her male boss was selling. He apologized but, i know that he meant it. All those pieces coming together the texts, the absences on an affair. Character counts, have some standards that you are not willing to make exceptions on. Be found at the exact moment they are searching. How to cope: If this is the reason for your divorce or breakup, you probably had a good go of it. Now he stops communicating with anyone that tries to talk him in to reconciliation. Both knows the situation, though the comfort factor, causes them to remain in this loop until something shakes it up. Im going to my parents for thanksgiving, but have a rocky relationship with them as it is, so this should be fun. Ive talked to my family/friends but obviously its very hard for them to be impartial, and most of their advice has either been play a waiting game and wait for her to contact me, or forget about her and move on. I still believe I was doing the right thing, but for the wrong person. As hard as it might be to hear, there might have been some ongoing issues that had not been dealt with, which is why it might seem unexpected for one partner, but it has been brewing under the surface for a while, says Diana Garcia, a licensed mental health counselor from Weston, Florida. He was the greatest dad, he still sees the kids but maybe once a week. Im so confused and conflicted. Subscribe me to the GoodTherapy.org public newsletter. Ghosting doesnt always mean the offending party is being intentional. He just kept saying it was his problem. He decided this life, our life, wasnt for him.. I just dont want to give up because I feel like she is my other half I feel like she is the only one for me.. Until recently she was a loving stepmother to them. Oh well, f$%# her! Btw He also says they wont get by with their adultery! That was not even all my husband and his girlfriend did. As I realized in conversation with the neurologist I saw, often, when you are in protracted pain for a long time, your neurological system goes on automatic; its as if theres a signal for pain that gets stuck on ON!. I dont think he loves me anymore. you. When I cheated on my husband, I might have liked to pretend it was just about sex, but if I was being honest, I knew it wasn't. It's not always about the other person. If youre feeling like you want to get over this pain and suffering, the last step you have to take is very important. I was together with my wife for 19.5 years. Im lost Im hurt and Ive cried all day. Im a good person, loving, caring, giving and trustworthy. And they spoke to their daughter over phone. Im now in a great place but I still have difficult moments and difficult days, specifically when it comes to parenting alone or finding things to do on the weekends. All that matters is that they make you feel good inside. And she told me everything. Love is blind, but Im not so blind any more. This podcast explores all things love and relationships. Life can throw some major challenges your way. Her tone and her demeanor were so condescending. My parents passed last year, her mother has been on her death bed and abusive to my wife as she takes care of her. But they are forced to be with her every other weekend. She manipulated the men that followed her to gas station. Im just a hopeless Romantic i guess that loved my wife unconditionally. I really dont know what to do. My husband left me after 21 years to find his happiness and looking for an emotional connection because we were miles apart. They leave behind their friends, the jobs that they love, and the happy memories from years gone by. Then what, it is just so sad. Being married to someone who puts in a lot of time at work isn't always negative. I saw people that appear to be in other countries on here. Of course, you work. Breaks my heart and puts my own unfortunate situation in perspective. I thought the point of counseling was to speak your mind. Nathan, thats terrible she left you & your kids. Weve only been married for the last 19 months. We separated, married other people, which we both confessed to each were the wrong people. She did move back in with me, but only for a short time, 4 months, and then she moved out again to the same relative. It appears the more you try, the more you are rejected. GoodTherapy.org is not qualified to offer professional advice, but we would like to encourage you to reach out. Thats were the acceptance came into play . Its not a soap opera where the wife has to feed a mans ego and blow him every night.. Anyways thanks for your comment Im angry;-/ but I need to be a good role model snd keep it together. Ive been there and now Im free from his affairs. I need advice. I only found out because I found an email n so I emailed her. "It is the same thing, over and over with you.". After breakups, we are known to cut our hair, move to another state and make quick decisions based on a temporary emotional feeling, she notes.